So there I was at the gym. Initially I set out to go for a run, but the streets were very wet and slippery. My gung ho mentality listened to the reasonable side of my mind and agreed to hit the gym instead. This means that I was dressed for a run, wearing many layers. When I arrived at the gym, I removed my jacket, but kept everything else on. As I worked on the pullup machine, I was burning up underneath all this clothing. However, if I removed the fleece, then I’ll be stuck wearing a very tight under armour shirt! You know what I’m talking about, the rash guards, super tight clothing.
As I struggled with the heat, I reached a point where I said if I don’t take this off I’m going to pass out. So I took of the fleece, and there I was, exposed for the world to see. Realistically speaking, those people probably weren’t even paying any attention to me whatsoever. However, at that moment, I felt like the world was looking at me, laughing at how portly I look with this very tight shirt on.
I was angry, angry at myself for worrying about such ridiculous crap. Angry because in my mind I was making up things that were not necessarily true. I decided to just focus on my workout and stop worrying so much about the fact that my gut, and love handles were so pronounced in these clothes. I’m at the gym, right? That means I’m working on myself.
I got through the workout, and I felt good, but I really need to work on this self love that my hippy friends talk about. I may be heavier than I was in the past, but overall I am healthy, and my body has been good to my soul. As a man, even talking about this is humiliating. I’m supposed to be so strong, and hard. However, I feel that sharing my struggles, my vulnerabilities, it will help me heal, accept, and ultimately move on from all of this.
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